Well since my last kindergarten post, I’d hoped things would calm down but instead they went into hyperdrive. I want to preface this with I’m not normally the crazy mom, but it certainly feels like I am lately. Ever since JK started I’ve been acting like a crazy person.
We live right beside Leanna’s school, so on our lunch break we decided to go for a walk and get some fresh air. We walked by her school and noticed the children were outside playing. We crossed the road to sneak a closer peak. As parents, we all want to see our children happy and playing with friends. Well this was not that moment. Before I saw her, I heard the heart wrenching cry, followed by “Moooommmyyyy” Yup, that was my daughter. Crying for me. My heart dropped when I spotted her sitting in the corner of the yard by herself crying. No one was there to give her a hug or comfort her. There is nothing worse to a mother than hearing your baby cry while you can’t do anything to help them. Mike was already half way down the road with the dog, while I stopped dead in my tracks. My thoughts racing “Why is no one there to hug her? Why is she crying? Someone needs to HUG HER NOW” before I realized what I was doing, I was walking closer to my girl crouching in the bushes to ensure she wouldn’t see me. Mike turned around, saw me inching closer to the yard and said “Do not get any closer! She will be fine” and then I turned on him “Are you blind! She’s crying and alone! No one is comforting her. SHE NEEDS ME!” By this point, I’m yelling at my husband from the bushes, while my daughter cries a few feet away. Not a strong moment.
I eventually found the strength to turn and walk away from my crying girl. The image is still seared in my head, but Mike was right – she was fine. Marching onto the yard without a plan and grabbing my crying girl would have been the worst thing to do. She would never learn to calm herself down if I jumped to her rescue at every tough situation, even if moms are hard wired to protect our children.
By the time we rounded the block and headed home, she was playing and running around in the yard.
As hard as it seems right now, Leanna will learn to self soothe and adjust to her new environment, and I need to learn to let go and give her the space to grow. No one wants to be the crazy stalker mom in the bushes.
I know the best thing for her is to give her space to sort out her playground politics.
After school, I picked her up and got a big hug and smile. We had a good talk about her day and how it’s okay to be sad, it won’t last forever. Those strong feelings will pass. Now if only I could take my own advice. 😉
Thirty Somethings 