She breathed in a breathe of fresh air as the leaves whistled in the wind and the sun cast a magnificent glow through the trees. Unbothered and unplugged.
She sat alone, gazing beyond the shallow pond and willow tree, into the deep corners of her mind. Despite the calm beauty around her, inside her walls were collapsing. Tears began to pour down her cheeks, as black sparrows sang a cheery tune.
Years of childhood trauma made her grow up fast and hard. Tainted by toxic displays of attachment and verbal abuse, she trusted no one with her heart. Year after year, she buried her dreams and desires deeper and deeper away, until one day she woke up and there was nothing but a hollow shell, with no substance, no life, and no beauty left.
She opened her eyes. The sun was setting above the glistening pond and birds sang gleefully in the trees. A peaceful paradise. She didn’t want to leave. To face the terrible truth. She had lost the most beautiful parts of herself through the years. Life had made her tough and then took her soul away.
As she reflected on how to rebuild that person and retrieve the missing pieces of herself lost along the way, she thought about it. What did she lose? Spirit, passion, strength and fight. She used to be a fighter. She fought for the people she loved and values she believed in. Somewhere along the road, she lost the will to fight and quietly took a backseat. Fight turned into fear. Afraid to ruffle feathers, afraid to cause conflict, afraid to face herself in the mirror.
Slowly over time, she let fear win. She lost the fight.
Thirty Somethings 